MCHS/BLHS

I have been back in high school since April. Crazy to be 50 years old and going to high school everyday. Subbing for teachers every once in a while was one thing, but being here daily is something else. Not in a bad way, its a pleasant job, nice surroundings being able to watch modern high school life from a safe distance through the lens of the bookstore windows. On the surface it looks simple enough, kids are happy, safe, enjoying or not enjoying their lives. The ever present specter of the "FUTURE" hanging over their heads.

I work in the school bookstore which is often like holding the keys to the life raft on a floundering ship. On a daily basis I have the opportunity to throw some poor kid a lifeline to save his day. Lending a book forgotten, loaning a tie lost whereby saving a kid from starting his day with certain detention. Selling sweatshirts to poor students getting frozen to death in a classroom of a menopausal teacher who sets her thermostat according to the severity of her latest hot flash. Day after day chatting with the kid who comes in to ask the same litany of questions about a book he supposedly needs to purchase but doesn't really need to purchase, what he really needs is a place of escape during lunch to avoid the pain of having to sit at a table all alone.

It causes me to often rethink my own high school experience. What would it be like to be able to do it all over with the experience and wisdom{?) of my current self? Would I be more confident, more invested, more hardworking, more appreciative, more considerate of other people, more willing to take risks? Less fearful? Less concerned about what other people think? Would I still turn down that sweet but dorky guy who asked me to Homecoming? Would I still panic if a teacher called on me to stand up in front of class? There is soooo much that I didn't take advantage of at the time, too often paralyzed by fear. Fear is the WORST. Afraid of looking foolish, afraid of sounding stupid. So, opportunities were lost, who knows how many. But behind the scenes I WAS sticking my neck out, WAS risking failure, risking looking foolish. After two failed attempts to make cheerleading, I succeeded. My world opened up and I got a taste of how the other half lived. And it was over in the blink of an eye.