Rainy days and mondays was a sad song

So as you know, Monday found me back downtown to plead for mercy from the housing office. After being tearfully dismissed by daughter, I set out on foot once again to spend the afternoon entertaining myself. Not hard to do right? Did I mention the cold and the rain?! It was noon yet it was so gray that it felt like evening was approaching. The umbrella was moderately helpful as I headed north once again. My stomach was howling so I ducked into a Panera Bread for a steaming bowl of amazingly creamy and satisfying mushroom soup with a perfectly wonderful half panini sandwich. Although I am dismayed at the thought of a chain restaurant appearing before me on State Street, I took advantage of it none the less. I warmed up and relaxed, taking my time and feeling alone and anonymous wishing I had daughter sitting across the table from me instead of some stranger at the opposite table also alone.You know how it is when you are facing someone and you try not to look but they are right in front of you?!
Since I was within spitting distance from Marshall Field's (that's about two blocks in my book) I headed back out into the gloom, jumped a few puddles and found myself under the old clock. And right there under that old landmark was a shabby young man huddled against the rain begging for food. I walked a few steps past him and knowing I had a perfectly intact crusty loaf left over from lunch, I turned around and handed it to him. Now you never know when you do something like this if the gesture will be sneered at or welcomed. Is the begging a ruse for quick cash to feed a habit or a genuine call for help? I figured I got my answer when I saw the young man eagerly devour the bread. Watching him for that short moment sent my emotions spiraling out of control. My nerves were shot to begin with after the last few days watching my child wrestle with city life, so I proceeded to lose it. I ran into Marshall Field's past the elaborate springtime displays desperately searching for someplace private. It was all I could do to quickly find myself a quiet stall before I totally embarrassed myself by breaking down in public. Although with all of the characters that I encountered that weekend, it is likely that I would appeared to be just another oddball.
However....when a mother sees a young person in need, she instinctively sees her own child or a friend's child there. It's sad enough to see an adult street person, disheveled and in need. It's quite another thing to see a young person in such a desperate state. I had all afternoon to fill before I would meet my daughter. I had no excuse. I pulled myself together and went back outside into that cold, gray, wet mess to revisit that sad scene.